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What Type of Parker Are You?

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When you drive to work in the morning, or head out for a night on the town, how do you find parking? Do you care where your car is parked? Are you more concerned about saving time than saving money by hunting for a good spot? Or would you rather coast up and down rows of cars until one pops into your sightline that can be squeezed into your budget? If that sounds like something worth doing, then just which type of parker are you?

There’s no shame in having an unyielding passion for parking! Well some shame, but who are we to judge? We’re only here to break it down, so read on to find out what type of car parker you are. You may well you’re multiple parkers rolled into one.

1. The On-the-Curb Parker

It’s the rare parker who’s comfortable parking on the curb. After commiting this gross miscalculation, most drivers will stop and simply think, “I can’t do better.” Then they’ll drive off the curb and take the 5 seconds required to re-align and park correctly. They fear no three-dimensional space and forget that curbs are precisely there to keep cars off the sidewalk.

2. The I-Always-Back-It-In Parker

When time is money, this is the type of parker you want on your team. They never waste precious seconds when driving out of their parking space. These drivers reverse park like it’s going out of fashion, their routine a mastertroke of time management. If you ever need to find them on the street, look for the car parked facing traffic at an odd angle against oncoming cars.

3. The Nothing-Is-Impossible Parallel Parker

More than any other type of parker, these drivers exhibit limitless self-confidence. They will take on spaces that seem impossible. There’s no stopping them as they drive ahead, backward and up on to curbs, realigning time and time again, leaving onlookers in awe at the sheer stubborness behind the wheel.

4. The Tricks-You-Into-Thinking-There’s-a-Space Parker

These drivers are masters of deception, seemingly not actually taking up any physical space in the parking lot. They are adept at tricking the brains of competing parking space hunters into thinking that there is an available space up ahead, when in reality it’s being occupied by a ridiculously tiny vehicle. To avoid the ire of your fellow drivers, park with the back of the car lined up with everyone else’s. The Mini’s owner manual actually tells you to park this way.

5. The Middle-of-Nowhere Parker

These people have a very specific parking need: they really love their car and risk another driver opening their car door against that of their pride and joy. These drivers will happily park any distance from their destination in the desert equivalent of a parking lot, away from the herd, where empty spaces are in abundance and there’s not car in sight. Think top floor of a car parking building, when the desired exit is on ground level. It’s not unusual to spot another car parked next to it as a means of annoyance.

6. The Too-Nice-a-Car Parker

These owners of expensive vehicles appreciate other cars not being able to park next to theirs. It’s not uncommon to find an empty space on either side of a nice Mercedes, half parked in each spot, the remaining halves working together to creating an impenetrable force field of parking exclusity which also serves as ample door opening clearance for easy exit and entry.

7. The I-Drive-a-Truck Parker

Unmistakable are they, cruising the parking lot with windows down, giant truck-like monolith taking up two or three spaces in a crowded lot. They are the biggest offenders of all, pun intended. These sorts have no regard for their fellow drivers . The worst will callously park their vehicle on top of small cars, trapping the owners inside.

8. The Leaves-Part-of-Car-in-the-Aisle Parker

These drivers cause a lot of trouble for all the other parkers. They simply don’t care how deep their car is parked, or if anyone else can get around it, so long as it’s between the lines. Their main priority is to get the front of their cars in as quickly as possible without ever once double checking their parking job. In doing so, they often leave aisles blocked for pedestrians and other cars, inviting scorn and potential damage.

9. The Under-a-Shady-Tree Parker

These drivers think they’re getting one up on the universe by parking in the generous shade of a benevolent tree, soon to reap the benefits when they return to a car relieved of the brutal sun outside. Except, they’re more likely to return to a car that’s been handed a new paint-job by the avian bretherin roosting in said tree. Quick rule of thumb: if you see droppings on the ground, drive on.

10. The Uncomfortably Close Parker

This person can’t follow simple lines. They will park alongside your car, making it impossible to open the door without risking an unsightly door ding. This driver’s bad parking makes it impossible for you to get in or out of your car. How they got out of theirs is a mystery. Although never seen in the wild, it’s long been suspected these drivers utilise the boot of their cars to get in and out.

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